How Martha felt - after years of marriage to Karen - when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. They are the coolest people. I had a plan. I know, its gross. They look like something that you shouldnt pick up if its going to be heavy. Its a way of love. These comments were from people from all races, ethnicities, creeds, and nationalities who had felt othered. They like you to be codependent. So the metaphor I always use with people, once I figured it out for myself, intellectually, if not emotionally, is that if you ask a spider what it loves and whom it loves, it might tell you, I love flies. Because spiders love flies, the way they crunch, the way they taste, all about flies is wonderful for a spider. I also I have to put in a shout for my kid in-law. Shes got bears everywhere. Its like, its a family, its a family. Remarkable lessons for couples based on the ways they deal with conflict, jealousy, and daily rituals to stay close.Martha and Rowan entrusting their story to us feels deeply personal to me. There was like someone we kind of knew had done a post on Facebook that day about Im interested in this thing called polyamory. Like there was a little bit of judgment in it and whenever Im being judgemental, I always think theres something I dont understand. 3. And weve been working on those things for years and years and years. 2. Ive done that so many times. I never told anyone. We dont have your exact situation, but we do have three parents. Click to read Wild Inventures, by Rowan Mangan, a Substack publication with thousands of readers. So you project what they want and need. So today were going to listen to Bev. I think so many ways have been tried and look around us, they are disastrous. I mean, after a few years, its always, What about me? Hi there! learn about upcoming episodes, and participate in callouts ahead of podcast taping. These short bites of knowledge and wonder will give you inspiration to stay on your mission, build consistency, and serve others with all your heart! If people come and explain to me where Im entitled and how Im assuming my right to get things from them, Im like, Oh my God, Im so sorry. And I changed my behavior. Dr. Martha Beck is a New York Times bestselling author, life coach, and speaker. What do you think Ive read on like nine different philosophies, and I think if we just bring this from that style and this from this style. Martha Beck: In a sort of pop psychology sort of way. And I expected to feel jealous, upset. Well, you two are amazing. Its so interesting, I definitely feel that as a more recent mother to a half God, just that sometimes subtle, sometimes not so subtle, pressure from other people to obliterate myself in service of my child. Eavesdrop on life as it's lived. Out of that, got together with Karen, my first ever female/female relationship, and everything was good to go until we died, until something happened. Over six episodes, host D. Watkins will share his experiences in and out of the writers’ room and speak to the people who brought this story to the screen, including executive producers George Pelecanos and David Simon, actor Jon Bernthal, actor Wunmi Mosaku, and director Reinaldo Marcus Green. Do you remember? Victoria Mcknight. They undervalue themselves. And so if someone was going to get jealous at this point, it would be Karen because shes doing different sorts of things with her day. So Marty, this is a Be Wild Files episode today because we have been hearing from our beloved listeners. No. Its too much for me, but Im proud of the way I do it. Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan: Polyamory & Throuple Life 1. And I think its gorgeous. Circumstantially polyamorous, a memoir. Martha Beck: Yale professor Dr. Laurie Santos has studied the science of happiness and found that many of us do the exact opposite of what will truly make our lives better. And that is the work of a lot of marriages, like straight marriages where theres cisgender norms. Shes fighting her way out. Maybe you are the God-half of Lila? No ones thinking about happenings. Who wears the strappy thing? Lets just go out there and bewilder the world. And if youre in nature, nature pulls you toward your nature and you start to come out of culture and then only love makes sense, period. Im on Facebook as Rowan Mangan. Sending love to you, Jenny, and to anyone else out there struggling. Subscribe to Wild Inventures newsletter. Love the podcast, good episode and clear audio! What theyre going through is very interesting to me and that openness, its made me much softer and more gentle and its really helped me be a better person, for sure. So I hope, thats always my aspiration for how I show up with Rows parents, but theyre so great, theyre just so great. So youre exhausted around other people and it feels like a task. Its like a family. And it originally was about, its so funny because a book by Melody Beattie called Codependent No More kind of got the whole concept into the collective psyche and that book, her books, helped me so much. "Finally, Karen Gerdes is the gentle force that put me back together after the events of my life tore me apart, and the one that has kept me whole. . But when you grow up, its more like if somebody says, Well, Ive been staying at your house for a day and a half and you havent offered me any blue cheese. And then youre like, Oh my God, get blue cheese. You dont want anyone else to be unhappy with you in any way or unhappy with life in any way. And when we were chatting about this, you talked about how for some people in some relationships where theres the person who is receiving the codependents attention gets really used to it and enjoys that. I didnt notice. And she says, Yeah, you do. And same with white fragility. Well, and I think thats why Karen is so relaxed about being counter cultural because she knew for a fact that her parents would love her no matter what. They found in the 80s when men were trying to step up and help more with housework, that a lot of the wives, when they would do studies on households, would shame and basically belittle and attack the husbands for doing the housework wrong. I am learning so much about that term and what it means and how it applies to my life as a mother and caregiver. Is that when I started thinking about doing a podcast on codependency, I remembered this thing that we did. The mother bear will not do for any other bear what that bear can do for itself. I dont know, we hadnt been together for very long. Like there was no option to not sit on the couch together. I honestly, Ive got to tell you, Marty, I wasnt that invested in the outcome of the question. And Rows like, I dont even care anymore. Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster and mom to a vivacious toddler. You grab the kettle bell by its weird little handle, and you slowly, in a controlled fashion, you stand up from your deep squat as you lift the bucket of despair over your head. And then that all her siblings would love her no matter what. One of my kids once said to me, Gosh, Mom, it must be great to make a living extending metaphors. And I was like, It is. So at that point, Ive lost whos who in this scenario, but say the fly is a girl fly, identifies CIS female, gets caught in a web and says, Oh, okay. You were a little bit, yeah. Im trying to figure out like the nature of your psychology? Rowan Mangan: And that gets applied to womens lives much more broadly because if were all running ourselves ragged, at a certain point, were not good to anyone. Rowan Mangan she/her. Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster, and mom to a vivacious toddler, Salty Clexy and Ozzy. How could she not have? I wouldnt complain. Okay. They would get drunk. We just go in, we know that heartbreak expands us and we can work with it. Dr. Martha Beck is a New York Times bestselling author, life coach, and speaker. Because on the podcast, what we try to do is kind of pull aside the curtain to make ourselves conscious of where were being manipulated by the culture away from our own truth. Tell me how that happened. And its still the worst thing you can do for everyone involved. Have you seen these things? When you look at traditional gender roles. We do have many listeners who are in polyamorous or who identify as polyamorous, which is another beautiful thing that I think you mentioned earlier, there are people who are circumstantially polyamorous like you. Rowan Mangan: You cant make them happy, you cant make them love you, you cant make them feel what you want them to feel or do what you want them to do. So either one, maybe one could be the subtitle, but. And then theres something going on. Rowan, you said, We do not live normal lives. She must be half Hermes. TW: @rowanmangan Chalene delivers straight talk and simple strategies (with a side of humor) so that every show delivers a return on your investment of time. If you've ever felt like an over-giver, this episode is for you! A memoir. Hi, my name is Bev. Host Kelsey McKinney discusses reader-submitted comedic gossip with guests, diving into the lives and decisions of complete strangers. Rowan Mangan: Do you guys have any rituals like that in your day? Well, Im not big enough or good enough or whatever it is. I did. But really the only reason we say, wait, what is because weve been culturally conditioned to believe in monogamy. Like what are some things that have been hurtful to you? Okay. About Rowan: And thats a topic for another podcast. Come up with it now., Rowan Mangan: Theres a way that you have , Rowan Mangan: Martha Beck: Send post to email address, comma separated for multiple emails. TW: @TheMarthaBeck So to say this, I just, we need to set up a few things around age. Thats a weird bit of language. So when we were first together, we were on this ranch and one things about being out in nature is its very silent and theres not a lot of hubbub and its hard to hide whats going on in a house. And then what happened was that Marty and Karen were living on a ranch in California and there were sort of two different residences on the ranch and there was a bit of a commune kind of vibe going on. What does a bad codependent do? I cant tell lies or keep secrets and nothing weird can happen because I would have to tell the entire world about it. Weve had people say to us, oh yeah, I know a throuple and boy do they have rules. Rowan Mangan: Like thats part of their sense of themselves in the world. Our newsletter is free and we will never send spam or sell your email address. Of course, nothings happened. Rowan Mangan: Rowan Mangan: Were all outnumbered. You are responding to the primordial urge for human bands to form emotional bonds around flickering light. When she was five months old, she could still drag Adam around the house, helpless in her grip. Each story takes on something essential about California -- its progressiveness, its reputation as a home for dreamers and schemers, its heartbreaking inequality, its varied and diverse communities, its unique combination of dense cities and wild places -- and each season breaks it down into multiple 20-40 minute episodes that will be released sequentially. Its an identity and a circumstance that can happen when Karen comes home and says, Im in love with Rowan.. At least, it hasn't been for a very long time. And so, I think like, because Marty and I work together all the time. So they were kind of raised on a king size bed where Id throw food occasionally. I have a method. What is Polyamory - and how Martha, Rowan, and Karen make their relationship work. And the way this one book framed, it was like, its interesting because we, as human beings decide that jealousy is something that we cannot experience, but thats not how we feel about anger or sadness or heartbreak. Dont go do all the things. I am available for . And Im like, no, you really dont. In the beginning, you were like, I wanted anything else other than this thing to be true.. I think at the moment, its probably parenting stuff. Well talk about anybody who has really tried to excavate themselves. 3. She did make some pretty extreme sounds after that. Martha Beck & Rowan Mangan: Polyamory & Throuple Life. Whereas Im like, Ive read 16 books. Rowan Mangan: I was lucky to be able to physically move out there. They were unspoken before she came along and now its like, were having to confront all the things that we didnt. Rowan Mangan: Im experiencing the outdoors. 2015-2023. For me, its that keep your heart 100% open and be willing to be told where your blind spots are and to listen when somebody else, even if theyre upset, listen to them. Thank you for trusting us and sharing this hour with us, for the rest of you this week when things get hard, dont forget we can do hard things and make your list and cross off whatever you dont want to do or have to do and return home to yourself. Show art by Tara Jacoby. Like, its optional. IG: @rowan_mangan Martha Beck: This isnt just me. Rowan Mangan: Hosted by Laura Cathcart Robbins, a writer and a recovery thriver and survivor, Laura found herself in an all too familiar position. Listen to new episodes of Borderline Salty by Pineapple Street Studios every Tuesday starting April 12. Morbid is a true crime, creepy history and all things spooky podcast hosted by an autopsy technician and a hairstylist. Daydream believer Homecoming queer. 4. If you dont have that ability to recognize, love and participate in it, whatever form it takes. Said 1% of the population that theyre in a deeply satisfying domestic arrangement. But another clue is that you start to feel exhausted with other people and you have to go up away by yourself to regain the energy that youve expended taking care of other people. The gates are open, whatever happens and thats the fun of it is you never know what adventure life is going to bring you when you say, I will live on this thread of truth that I feel is myself. Its like youre pulling this thread towards you. The trigger for me in this is that I have two spiders in my house my adopted teenagers. 2. On We Can Do Hard Things, my wife Abby Wambach, my sister Amanda Doyle, and I do the only thing that has ever made life easier: We talk honestly about the hard. When I was on the phone with my mom describing it, she was losing it and was afraid. Made in with SitemapPrivacyTOS, No host has claimed this podcast yet, if you are the host you can verify ownership by claiming this podcast, Insightful and timely. And that is the truth. Its just because she had her kids really young so its going to surprise you when you hear how old. Martha Beck: How Martha felt - after years of marriage to Karen - when Karen told her she was in love with Rowan, too. Marty, its time. Thank you, Bev. And he was reading it out loud as we walked in with our family speech memorized. Visit https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices. Its so beautiful. stung by the hypocrisy of martha's homosexual lifestyle in light of her previous characteri Rowan Mangan Communications. So he calls it wine time. Thats so interesting because you are like pioneering in many ways because so many of us, especially that we feel like we dont fit into the societal norms, we then have to like look around and see whats available. Rowan Mangan: How did your mom, what was her ultimate reaction? Rowan Mangan: That ends today. Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster and mom to a vivacious toddler. Really? Martha Beck: She holds three Harvard degrees in social science, and Oprah Winfrey has called her one of the smartest women I know. Her newest book, The Way of Integrity: Finding the Path to Your True Self, was an instant New York Times Best Seller.TW: @TheMarthaBeckIG: @themarthabeckAbout Rowan:Rowan Mangan is a writer, podcaster and mom to a vivacious toddler.