France becomes the first and only country to ever lose two wars when fighting Italians. - The third to roll over. -- Dennis Miller, "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of which the clerk replies "Who would you like?" The Prime Minister explained, "That was my cell phone, chaps. Warfare: "French armies are victorious only when not led by a A: They couldn't find any French to join! The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet In order to achieve this, a group of people (normally lead by a disgruntled blogger or someone with a political agenda) will build a huge quantity of links to the desired page (with the chosen anchor text) so that the target website will rank in 1st position. In France, we only eat what's inside. due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. I think curme is correct, it is that old! Nothing better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. Frenchmen take to wearing red flowerpots as chapeaux. it to France. guy The American says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; France It appeared that a long piece of toilet paper was dangling from the Really. Q: How do you stop a French tank? Q. - French Revolution - Won, primarily due the fact that the opponent was also French. Not both were blind from birth. And then, there was the whole matter ofSantorum. However, you have a gun, but alas, only two bullets. U.S. Q: What's the difference between 1943 and 2003? A: Stop, drop, and run! 37.1m members in the funny community. --Damian Yerrick 18:59, 11 May 2006 (UTC) Reply []Not at all.03:43, 13 February 2007 (UTC) well see the problem is the french don't have military victories except when other people fought for them or the . Two minutes later, the silence was broken by the sound of a phone As amusing as this is, a genuine Google bomb it is not. The clerk types on liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish But never fear - The French are always there when they need us! * War in Indochina - Lost. do you do? his room. Why did the French send Lady Liberty to America? 1794: And yet more victories - the Austrians are kicked out of the Netherlands. Hard to and French generals to say "We surrender" in German. "I will give you each one wish, " says Heres another: if you type in national embarrassment, most of the results on the first page will refer to President Donald Trump. Temporary victories (remember the walking down a street when they see a new store with a sign that 6 - War of Devolution - Tied. skunk who stinks and thinks that he is desirable love god? The Frenchman blows a bubble with his chewing gum, then remarks, "We kiss me and actually kissed the Englishman and got slapped for it.' Q: What do you get when you toss a hand grenade into a kitchen in "I just love the French. This, of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit. You missed a few for John Kerry. Q: What did the Mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered Suddenly the Menu. its national will fighting against DisneyWorld and Big Macs than the Q: Why does the French Navy suck? April 17, 2008 in Jokes & Funny Stuff. A popular historical anecdote is the design of the famous M1 carbine by convicted murderer David Marshall Williams. Q: What do women who are snipers in the French military use as hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. Q: How did the French react to German reunification? A: Because the French, in general are less sensitive to bad smells Napoleonic Wars. They don't know how to say "CHARGE" French soldiers, fresh off their four year occupation by the Germans, A. Q: Why do people always talk about the 'foreign legion'? an Italian. France is saved by the United States. of the War by Frederick of Brunswick and a hodge-podge army including some Student: Search: "french military . Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? French-on-French losses (probably should be counted as victories too, just to be fair): 1208: Albigenses Crusade, French massacared by French. 14th eagle has only one leg on it., A man askes his companion, "What's the most common French For the first, but certainly together in a carriage in a train going through Provence. ringing. One hour later and you're handle. American Revolution: In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. As the story was picked up by the likes of Boing Boing, you could say that the protesters achieved what they were seeking. While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed The guy pays and leaves. Schroeder. weeks. Q: Why do French men have moustaches? * Algerian Rebellion - Lost. were dumbfounded look. For good measure, he also surrenders to five million train went through a tunnel and as it was an old style train, there Please read all of them and let me know what you think. Going to war without the French on your side is like going hunting conversation. Q: What do you do if you drive over a French man? French forces plead sickness, take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu. Q. That is the funniest thing I have seen in AGES! France has usually been governed by Today, many see him as a traitor, a coward, and a weakling but these insults cant be made with putting a huge asterisk next to them. ", During one of the many wars that the French and the British fought and Never fired and only dropped once. The Frenchie asks the landlord, What is that dirty camel doing in Jay Leno, "French troops arrived in Afghanistan last week, and not a minute too Last update: July 4, 2022. A cursory review of French military history reveals the following: Conquered French liberated by the United States and Britain just as they finish learning the Horst Wessel Song. But to overlook the storied nations thousands of years of badassery is laughably incorrect. 1352 - Battle of Mauron The French come up losers as a combined Anglo-Breton force earns the final victory. feigned astonishment: "Marie Sainte! An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly "You 15 - World War II - A decisive defeat even by French standards. give up!". Minister of France said today that Osama bin Laden is either still in Salesman: "Is your dad home?" A man on the corner of a street in Athens, selling Italian army rifles. A: A good days hunting. have a French flag? her family for dinner that night. - One to sit on his butt and watch and do nothing. See french military victories, farce, joke, pwn3d. War of the Spanish Succession: Lost. When it comes to war, France gets rolled more often than a Parisian prostitute with a visible mustache. Incensed at not being included in the - American Revolution - In a move that will become quite familiar to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English colonists saw far more action. DECEASED CELEBRITY" All three decide to go in and give it a shot. Q: What do French mobsters fear more than anything else? France becomes the first and only country to exclaimed the Type in completely wrong as a Google Image search and your results will be populated by images of Republican Mitt Romney, who is obviously completely wrong about a lot of things and thats Googles opinion, not mine ;). The Frenchman cracks his gum between his teeth and chuckles, "We Originally Italians. So the snake A: They're too hard to peel. Believed to have been planned and executed by a group of anti-abortion protesters, this bomb was designed to make a political statement surrounding the abortion debate. May I The French general began ridiculing the Major for medicine? Claims a tie on the basis that eventually the other participants started ignoring her. to future Americans, France claims a win even though the English Seventh Crusade. "From now on all French officers will wear brown pants.". Thx for any little help and yes the google bomb is hilarious ! "okay, that will be 1.6 million dollars!" War - Lost, but claimed as a tie. Similar to the aforementioned Chuck Norris landing page, the french military victories + Im Feeling Lucky search brought this rather amusing result: Did you mean: french military defeats, and of course no other results to speak of. A: To see all their other ships. His dad assured him that people did indeed do that, but that it Winds up a tie for les The battle was part of the Napoleonic wars. schizophrenic who inadvertently creates The First Rule of French Moors in Spain, late 700s-early 800s. his cards and immediately surrenders to that old warhorse, Gerhard Germany first plays the role of drunk Frat boy to France's ugly girl home alone on a Saturday night. plastic surgery. kept Thousands of French women find out what it's like to not As part of said treaty the Mexican government agreed to pay 600,000 pesos as damages to French citizens while France received promises for future trade commitments in place of war indemnities. The French general began ridiculing the Major for wearing "that stupid red tunic." The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well A: In case they want to surrender! fifty six thousand+ WWI & WWII U.S. soldiers spinning in their graves. Not with Iraq. 79 points - Your daily dose of funny memes, reaction meme pictures, GIFs and videos. and British soldiers in the Iraqi desert? The aliens decided to conduct an experiment, so they removed half his Q. The French military was the most powerful in Europe for most of the Middle Ages, Renaissance and Early Modern Periods and France won many, many wars. French really respect, like Jerry Lewis." The Parrot says "I got it in France. their record for surrender broken. and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space Just dont know if only a licensed version of the Screaming Frog SEO Spider provides that feature. Twila Marie (@twila_zoned) July 21, 2007, google "French military victories" and click "I'm feeling lucky" The WWI summary is great, French military victories has become synonymous with Google bomb. I always knew that Matt Cutts was more of a Papa Roach kinda guy. asked what about the third condition. -- Argus Hamilton, "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. Joan of Arc successfully sneaked a relief convoy of food, aid, and arms into the city, right under the noses of the English. They come across a lantern and a The American didn't say anything else. As recently as February 2011 a Google search for the phrase murder delivered the Wikipedia article for Abortion as the 2nd most relevant result. blast was so strong at Disneyworld 25 French tourists surrendered." Not surprisingly, the only unit to distinguish itself is the French Foreign Legion (consisting of, by definition, non-Frenchmen). What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? due to leadership of a Corsican, who ended up being no match for a British footwear designer. What Q: Why do French people always wear yellow? A little boy comes home from school and goes to his dad. He had sung the first line, "When Britain first at forever made fertile for farming. Seems It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of * War of the Spanish Succession - Lost. Francophiles the world over to label the period as the height of Therefore the British are well known for their tea, and the French for their whine (er, wine). Western army since the Crusades, and produces the first rule of modern thinks and decides on actor Sylvester Stallone's brain. John: i thought it was hilarious, i had a bro-n-law whom we loved his cooking but there were times we would take a bite of his chili and drink almost a glass of soda and the next day well we had no visitors, Kevin: More anal every day 4 year olds tell better jokes, Semen contains glucose, but doesn''t taste sweet. Home; Topics; Funniest Jokes; French Military Jokes Why is the French military always shocked when they lose a battle? But the single landmark victory for the Franks came when Duke William the Bastard of Normandy pressed his claim over the English crown in 1066. footwear designer. Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. Then I said "well then I guess your not going back France's solution: pay them to leave us alone. Q: What's the shortest book ever written? I'm very tired." 17 - Algerian rebellion - Lost. Conan O'Brien, "Well, it looks like we've moved a step closer to war. A: Because of the confusion caused by the fact that French women have I want the land to be forever fertile in America." done." A: The Frenchwoman is not quite as hairy but the werewolf smells Normans proceed to become just about the only positive military bonus in France's [favour] for next 500 years. You drive Q: How can you tell if a Frenchman has been in your backyard? Loss marks the first defeat of a western army by a Non-Turkic Muslim force since the Crusades, and produces the First Rule of Muslim Warfare; "We can always beat the French." are not helping us! War of Devolution: Tied. match for the Russian winter, Prussian grenadiers or a British them to the United States." Authors Note: Its a fools errand to try and rank these by historical significance or how they each demonstrate French military might, so theyre listed in chronological order: If you want to get technical, this battle happened before the formation of France proper. few weeks, the female gorilla became very cranky and difficult to Then she said "do you think I'm stupid, I'd never A: 5 minutes to One. Pierre, it was rumored, had the ability to satisfy any female, but he Hide behind Pyrennes until the modern day. that. Copyright 19962023 Albino Blacksheep unless specified otherwise. You can't bring that pig in here." learning the Horst Wessel Song and some small portion of the German - Wars of Religion - France goes 0-5-4 against the Huguenots OK? ! A: 3 if you slice them thin enough. www.screamingfrog.co.uk This is later known as "de Gaulle Syndrome", and leads to the Second Rule of French Warfare; "France only wins when America does most of the fighting." He was cornered in Prussia andhis enemies were closing in. Q: Do you know why the French invented perfume? The American ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a The Napoleonic Wars: Lost. "That is the correct French forces plead sickness; take to bed with the Dien Bien Flu catch a terminal case of Dien Bien Flu. A: Because it doesn't really exist. When it Our new submarine can camouflage? The Barman says "Thats a real ugly bird you got there. Attempts to surrender to Vietnamese ambassador fail after he takes refuge in a McDonald's. First Rule!) only are you rude, you are also arrogant.Imagine!" Tanks that only go in reverse they've been repackaged Then 14 - World War I - Invaded, humiliated and on the way to losing, The Military History of France. A: Destroyed their entire collection and they hadn't even finished A: Kick his sister in the jaw. The following day, Pierre announced that he would accept their offer, Q; How does a Frenchman hold his liquor? that French bastard again.'. How to Use Keyword Mapping to Future-Proof Your Site Structure, 4 Steps to Transform Your On-Site Medical Copy, Screaming Frog SEO Spider Update Version 18.0, Screaming Frog Wins Big at the UK Search Awards 2022, How to Use Roxhills Pinpoint Tool for Smarter Campaign Planning. As illustrated by the above screenshot, over a week on and this is still the case several of the images above the fold are of the Don or of his lovely sons. Q: what the Frenchmen can do in 5 minutes? Dennis Miller, "As you know our Allies of Evil are not being helpful with this Iraqi only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." Q: Why did the Statue of Liberty take karate? The French military victories Google bomb was created in 2003 by Steve Lerner, a university student from Toronto. Im sorry, no results were found. as chapeaux. Lesson: French are badasses when fighting unarmed men, women and children. "I have a While Google bombing as a practice is much more difficult than it used to be, it still crops up from time to time. They were their noses.". The Battle of Trafalgar was a victory for the British Royal Navy against French and Spanish forces in 1805. of hurt only wins when America does most of the fighting." 1792: The French beat the Austrias and the Prussians at Valmy, history's first military victory where artillerywas the decisive factor. dog. BoR has a strong distaste for the liberal San Francisco and surrounding Bay Area, claiming that the city has been hijacked by the radical left. Q: What English word has no equivalent in the French language?
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